Journal

Missing In Action

I’ve been stuck in an unproductive rut for a few weeks now, but I finally feel ready to write. I finally have that “urge” to keep on creating. I’d developed a pretty good work ethic and I was writing daily, as well as researching, and then I had a terrible week. And I mean terrible.

I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety for…mmm, going on four years now. I’ve had a few bouts of really, really bad periods, but I’ve got it pretty well under control now. Until that week. But nothing had triggered it, and I was left wracking my brain, trying to figure out why I felt so…shit. Then I realised that my meds were the generic brand (Venlafaxine) instead of the ones I’d be taking (Effexor). And then ping! I suddenly knew why I was falling to pieces of everything little and nothing at all. I’d lost my script a few weeks earlier and hadn’t realised that when I got a new one, the doctor had ticked the box to supplying a generic version. The chemist did just that, and although I noticed the different packaging, I didn’t think anything of it because no one warned me. After that, I was a little easier on myself and decided to just let that “muse” come back to me when I was ready.

Except that it’s only now—three or so weeks later—that I feel it. And it’s been so frustrating! I wanted to write and live in the world I created, but I just couldn’t. Now though, I really miss it. I miss my characters and I miss the city they live in. And I really miss being so absorbed in my writing that I realise by at least three in the afternoon that I’ve forgotten to eat lunch. Besides the angry rumbles from my tummy, it’s a nice feeling. So I’m getting back to it!

And this is also why I’ve neglected my blog here. I had nothing to write because I hadn’t been writing. But I will soon 🙂

I borrowed the present I gave my sister, which seems irrelevant, but really, it’s not. I hand wrote her the first two chapters because she was the one who encouraged me to write my story in the first place. It took forever, let me tell you. And I also did a few illustrations. So I’ll be scanning those and posting them on here.

I’ll also try and figure out a way to post some of the music that inspires me. I don’t listen to it when I write—if I do listen to music when I write, it tends to be classical or at least instrumental. Words are too distracting when I’m trying to form my own. But I like to listen to it because it helps me see the world in my head. Most of the music fits the feel of the city, while with some of the songs, it’s more the lyrics that help. All in all, the mood is pretty dark.

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