This is pretty much a nothing post. I just wanted to talk about things that writers do that annoy me. I woke up at four this morning and after writing down a good line that popped into my head while I was trying to go back to sleep, I’ve spent the last hour (maybe two) watching cute cat videos on Youtube. So yeah, I’m kinda grumpy.

  1. I’m sick of reading about a person’s hair and eye colour like it’s some window into their soul. It’s like the first thing a writer of popular/commercial fiction writes when they introduce a new character—minor or major. I like popular fiction but I don’t really care about hair and eye colour. And there are much more interesting and relevant ways to describe a character such as movement and the way they speak. And if a character’s physical appearance is written about, I prefer a more inventive and subtle way of describing it, rather than mentioning in passing…or just mentioning repeatedly whenever the character comes into a scene. I like Twilight, but I’m looking at you, Meyer. That’s not to say that there aren’t other writers out there that do it too, it’s just that Steph’s the first one that comes to mind.

    And I’d probably look like this if you caught me reading some of the shit I waste my time on

  2. “I digress” written anywhere. Period.

    Okay, before I continue, I kind of have to admit something. Because I don’t think I’ve ever read these horribly over-used words in published writing: I…read…fanfiction. Phew! That was hard. And it’s super embarrassing to admit, and the only reason that I am admitting it is because I can’t see the looks of disgust you’re likely giving me. I can practically hear people’s minds going, Really? Stop it. I’m tired and grumpy, and your collective disapproval is giving me a headache.So, yes—fanfiction. Really. But everyone’s got a guilty pleasure. I think Carrie’s was eating saltines will reading Vogue standing up in the kitchen? Granted mine is more embarrassing than that—and Carrie’s isn’t even embarrassing! It’s kind of like watching bad movies and television; you watch ’em anyway, and mostly because they’re so bad that they’re kind of good. I can’t watch Gossip Girlanymore though. It hurts too much to watch Blair and everyone else—but mostly Blair—do stupid things over and over again.—{stupid WordPress kept fucking with my paragraphs, so just ignore this line…if you can}—

    Reading fanfic, especially for someone who loves to read real writing and real books, and especially for someone who’s writing a book herself, is beyond embarrassing. It’s humiliating that sometimes I like to read terrible writing with awful plots and painfully one-dimensional characters. And as excruciating as it is to read writing littered with spelling mistakes and grammatical errors—I mean really! What is so hard about learning the difference between your and you’re, and there, they’re and their?—it does give a certain sense of validation and pride knowing that my writing (or pretty much any text ever written) reads like a Pulitzer compared to the latest convoluted Bella and Edward romp…and I’m just going to stop right there because I’ve just dug my hole even deeper.

    So, “I digress”—stop using it! I see it so often that when I do I feel even worse for reading the crap in the first place. It does not make you a more impressive and articulate writer. It does not make your story more interesting—only real characters and a plot will do that. All it does is make you look stupid—even more so if those two words are the only words in a two-word paragraph.You need to be able to lead onto a new topic better. Throwing those words in there just makes you look incompetent. And it makes me want to shoot myself. You don’t want my blood on your hands, do you?  ‘Cause I’ll turn you into Lady Macbeth if it’s the last thing I do!…even if I am dead.

  3. Hmm…yeah. I can’t really think of anything else. Those two are the biggies. I’ll probably come back and add to this later.To be continued…

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