I want to bang my head on the keyboard

I’m not going to do it because my face already looks like shit at the moment. Stupid period making my stupid face break out in stupid pimples. On my desk right now I have a few half-eaten biscuits (I like to eat the chocolate from the top. It’s fun and challenging), a bowl of sweet and salty popcorn (I dig through and find the ones that are crispy with sugar bits. The rest I leave alone), an empty bottle of Vanilla Coke, and a full glass of V8 fruit and veggie juice. I never really thought I got those typical PMS behaviours before, but looking around my desk right now…I think it’s quite plain that I do. Thank Jebus I don’t get cramps.

Anyway, I was typing up my vocab list. Originally I started with Thieves’ Cant from A-Z but then I realised it’d be easier going from English to Thieves’ Cant. So I made a new document and began alphabetising it all over again. I kind of like doing this; it really serves to placate my OCD tendencies. Like when I fill the car up and screw the lid back on, I click it three times. And volume levels have to be at an even number or in tens. If it’s at 23, I will snatch the remote from you and rectify it. Pronto. Stat. ASAP. RSVP…yeah. No.

Right, so I was typing up the second vocab list and I really needed to pee because I’d just finished the Vanilla Coke. Who wants to drink juice when you have sugary carbonated water? Exactly.

So I CTRL+S’d and ran off to pee.

Now, sometimes the computer’s sluggish and gets all laggy when it saves. So I took my time on the toilet. But enough with that.

When I came back it was all done saving, and I clicked the X to close the document. It lagged a bit so I clicked it again. And then again. And then a little screen came up asking me if I wanted to save it before it closed. I was like, What? You just did. It took so long that I was able to make a cup of tea after I went a peed! And now you want to save again? Pssh. No thanks, I made a new version of you anyway.

So I clicked No…or Don’t Save or whatever.

And then the document that I was working on, the one where it was English to Cant closed too! What. The. Fuck.

I made some weird animal nose. Or maybe it was like a pokémon’s growl, you know like the one they do when you let them out of their pokéball? Yes you do! Don’t pretend otherwise. I think I sounded something like Gyarados. Fear me!

And then I was like, Oh, it’s okay. Autorecovery will save me.

Nope. Apparently because I chose to not save that it didn’t save at all. Not even with autorecovery.

Fuck you, Microsoft.

I’m going to go eat a biscuit and watch Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

Don’t judge me.


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